Best job ever!!

A word of caution: I like to use bad words sometimes. I can't help it.

I have the one of the best jobs in America, maybe even the world.  It is one full of everyday adventures and unpredictability. It is located in a place that not many dare venture to for risk of injury, maybe death.  I see things that you probably wish you could see in your dreams.  Not many people could handle what I do. Does the thought of what it is have you on the edge of your seat, biting your nails, and overwhelmed in intrigue? Well it should.  What is this job? Well…I work at a public library. It’s ok, you can be let down, I would be. I built that up to be pretty good.  This is how it really is:

I have one of the worst jobs in America, maybe even the world. Fine, that may be an exaggeration, but whatever. It is mundane, boring, and rather monotonous. It really is located in a scary place where many homeless people hang out. The possibility of injury is real, we have security guard escorts to our car at night.  Based on my location, I do see and hear some interesting stuff, so that does help a little bit. I see some things you only want to see in your nightmares. Anybody could pretty much do what I do, as long as you know the alphabetical and dewey decimal system you’re good to go.

 I have been lucky enough to work here for about 1.5 years. During these 1.5 years I have had the following thoughts:

WTF is this place!?

Get me out of here!

What is that smell? Oh it’s just homeless.

Is that a shank?

Some old guy said he would give you $ for a blow job in the bathroom? I wonder if you did it.

Where can I hide all this shit?

Why can’t people put stuff back? Bastards. 

Just lighting one book would be all it would take.

Hey, I wonder how long I can sit here and stare at the wall.

Hey, I just fell asleep.

I wonder what would happen if I punched you in the face?

I lost my mind in the nonfiction section. It’s not worth going over there to look for it.

What is that stain on the carpet!? I think it’s poop.

I think I’m sneaking out the handicap door.

That guy has a Hitler stash, and I’m pretty sure a toupee. Hot.

Um, that was awkward. This is referring to the time I walked in on a boy and girl in the women’s restroom. They both were clothed, but it seemed a little suspicious. While I am talking about awkward, I have gotten used to getting hit on by homeless guys. One guy kept asking me when we were going to watch movies and he gave me a soda and tried to help me pick up stuff. I told him I have a boyfriend, which is a lie and he didn’t seem to care. This was the same guy who told me about the blowjob in the above comment.   Another guy asked me if I was going to have sex later. Then I got a love letter, which is a long story in itself, but at least that guy wasn’t homeless.  I just have to deal with it, but they don’t bother me much anymore.

I wish I had popcorn. This was when I got to see a fight outside.

I'll beat them up next time. This was when the security guard got hit in the head by a homeless lady and got a huge cut. Yeah, that makes me feel pretty protected.

That guy is creepy and makes me feel uncomfortable.  CREEEPERS EVERYWHERE.

Yeah, he's drunk. I wish I was right now.

Holy shit. It’s a pirate!

Fuck…and every other curse word you can probably think of.

How nice of them to put a smoked cigar in the bookdrop.

To challenge myself today I’m putting all this up in reverse order. Wooo.

Oh how cute, 2 grown men climbing trees.

I want to join you. This was when some crazy guy pretended he was boxing and started running around in circles outside when I was going to my car.

I wish I had a flask and/or a cigarette. Preferably both.

 Ok I could go on and on and on with this. Basically I’m bored a lot and have to find entertaiment in the little things. I do like books though, but more reading them than  putting them up. I will say that I often find myself getting distracted. I mean, how am I not going to look at books about magic spells, aliens, and "101 Uses for a Dog?" I think the best part of my job was when I took 3 months off to go study birds. That was badass.  I love animals and biology and finding out new things! I'm sorry I am so bitter, I guess I should just be grateful to be currently employed.

I thought that I might at least make the best of this situation and chronicle what goes on at this place. This is mostly a work of nonfiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this are for the most part real.  Any resemblance to another person’s thoughts and/or work experience would be something that would cause me to take  pity on this person and immediately bond with them through our pathetic lackluster excuse for a fulfilling job.