Ooops.

Today was a bad day. I had a full cart of books with my cup of coffee on the bottom. As I was turning the corner something happened and the books went tumbling to the ground. My coffee went with them, adding a nice additional stain to the carpet since we don't have enough. So now I was stuck picking all that shit up, and my cup of life was gone. I can only hope that the prospect of winter weather will make tomorrow a better day...a DAY OFF!

It's soooo hot!

So our air conditioner/heat is connected to the civic center. Guess what? They are doing something over there and we currently have no air. It is hot as hell. I guess that kind of fits this place...Seriously though, it's almost unbearable. They need to give us a bonus for our suffering.  I'm getting a little personal fan to attach to my bookcart. Heck, maybe I'll just go crazy and take all my clothes off. I'd fit right in with some people!

UGH.

Currently on lunch break. Have four more hours to go. There is nothing for me to do. I am dying a slow death. LONGEST DAY EVER.

All we need is a grass skirt and coconut bra.

Trouble

So, one day the firemen had to come help out with a situation. I saw them all coming in and had no clue what was going on, I just enjoyed the view. It turns out that the security guard, who we call "Trouble" took the elevator up to the second floor and it got stuck. He was in there for a good hour. I didn't even know we had an elevator, but I think I'll stick to the stairs. We still make fun of him about it. He's a pretty cool old man. He really likes suspenders and wears them just about everyday, and he always carries a western paperback in his pocket. He's lasted the longest of any of the security guards so far. He refers to all of us women as the "mean ones." I'll tell you the story of when he got beat up by the homeless lady another time.

Shut up Joel Osteen.

I'm just going to say this. I hate Joel Osteen. I have to shelve his books (and he has a lot), which forces me to gaze upon his grinning face...a face I wish I could slap. I don't know why I despise him so much. I think it's just his smile...and maybe the fact that I think he's not very sincere and just wants money. I think his books are full of crap.

Love the pose.

A proposal.

So, Wilbur (aka Willie, Willy Wonka, Wilby) is in love with me. He is a volunteer and he is so funny! He has one heck of a personality. He has Down Syndrome, and he is one of the sweetest people know. He has a lot of attitude too. He turns 40 this year. Today he proposed to me. I told him I would think about it since earlier that day he confessed that he kissed another girl, but then he told her that he had me. I also told him before I commit he is going to have to bring in some $. He cracks me up.

Work is always better when you're sleeping.

Well, at least I'm not the only one who occasionally falls asleep at this place.

Stupid barcodes.

Saturday I spent a good deal of time making library cards. Turns out a lot of the barcodes were duplicates. Yesterday I spent a good deal of tme unmaking library cards. Dang it.

Bring the ch@os.

So, now this guy had my number because I am too nice. He wasn’t afraid to use it. He would text me something that I didn’t give a shit about. I wouldn’t respond because it didn’t require one. Well, an hour would pass and he would send me the same message, I guess assuming that I didn’t get it. A couple more hours…the same message. I guess he couldn’t take the hint. He ended all his texts with “Bring the ch@os.” I didn’t really know what to think about that, other than it was gay and made me laugh. Finally he sent me this text: “am I bothering you?” I wanted to tell him HELL YES. However, I just said that I was really busy with school and shit. He would tell me all this stuff like he wanted to go dancing and go to the movies and crap, and that I was God's most beautiful creature. That made me want to vomit. I kept reminding him of my “boyfriend,” but to no avail. Eventually, he quit texting me.

He would tell my coworkers about the tattoos he wanted, which included something with barbed wire and something on his face. He would also brag to them about the girl he supposedly got pregnant. He moved to CA, but I hear he is back now. Since I don’t work late anymore I don’t have to see him. Apparently he does rollerblade tricks outside. I might have to check that out sometime for some cheap entertainment...from a safe distance of course.

My love letter.

Ok, I don’t know if you remember me telling you about the love letter I got, but I’m going to elaborate on it now.  I’ll just start off by saying this: my love life sucks. I don’t know why. I think I am fairly ok looking and a nice girl who likes cool stuff. Maybe it’s because I spend all day at this place and I’m too tired to do much else? Whatever. I’m going to say that about 77.9% of my male interaction happens at work. If you saw the men that inhabit that place….shit.  Let’s just say I don’t get much eye candy. I enjoyed the day the firemen had to come though.  There are a few exceptions on occasion. Anyway, there was this young guy, like 3 years younger than me, who worked for the company that cleans our library. He was quiet and never talked to me. Well one day I my coworker slipped me this letter that he gave to her to give to me. I kept it for laughs and this is what it said word for word:

“Hello there I know this is weird and odd but I have to take drastic measures to find some friends here in texas lol. It would be quite hard not to try and be friends with you lol you seem like a really cool down to earth person not to mention a very beautiful one at that lol well neways I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try and be somewhat friends with you or something. I know this is a bit elementary schoolish writing u a letter but idk I dont see anything wrong with it haha. But yeah I’m _____ by the way that works for _____ in your library I should be noticeable lol I kinda stand out. And I’m too shy to actually talk to you I dnt want u to feel uncomfortable at least by writing you you can have the choice to ignore me or talk to me lol dnt worry either whatever you decide dnt feel bad it alright I just figured id try lol. Call or text me as soon as you read this. “

That’s it. First of all, I think there are like 5 periods in that whole letter. How many lols? Neways? What about the missing apostrophes and letters? I may sound mean, but bad spelling and grammar really turn me off.  This was a nice gesture though, and I do give him credit for that. I don’t like to just ignore people because that is rude. Plus, I saw him just about every day and it would be awkward if I didn’t acknowledge this. So, I texted him thanks for the letter, but sorry I had a boyfriend (LIE, but I have to use it often up here) and wasn’t interested. I told him we could be friends and he shouldn’t be afraid to talk to me. THIS WAS A HUGE MISTAKE.  

One of those days....

So today I observed this little boy in the children's area. There was no sign of his parents anywhere, which usually means chaos will ensue. This is what he did:

Fuck my life.

Glorious days off.

So the way my schedule is that I work 10 days and have 4 days off. 10 days is a long time, and by the end of the stretch I am worn out. I live for those 4 days off. On those 4 days I can do whatever I want. It usually goes something like this: wake up sometime, drink lots of coffee, watch some tv episodes, maybe take a shower, eat, take a nap, read, drink more coffee, grocery shopping, maybe play some guitar, watch more tv, eat more, drink, go to bed. The best part is I can wear sweatpants doing all of this. If I have time, I usually think about cleaning my room and doing laundry. I usually decide against it. Occasionally I break from this cycle, but this is pretty standard.

I am just short of working full time, which sucks because all the full time people just got a raise. What did I get? Nothing. At least I get paid holidays, and if I have to miss a day my boss is pretty cool about it. I guess I get the sweet satisfaction of knowing I am helping the public with their intellectual development. That being said, some people also poison their minds with some ridiculous books I put out, so it's a fine balance.

Whatever. I do what I want.

Aliens,magic,and poop stains. Oh my.

I guess I should explain exactly what my job entails. I check books in, sensitize them, and put them up.  That’s about it. I have to straighten stuff and pick up people’s crap too. Each shelver is assigned sections.  I have 4 basic sections:

·    Young Adult:  Never gets that messy. My favorite. I can do a cart of books  in like 5 minutes .

·    Nonfiction 000-400: I hate this section the most. It’s always super messy, especially in the alien and magic areas.  Also, I don’t do well with numbers. I wish they would do more rounding because I get confused with numbers like 247.54355463. Sometimes my brain just starts getting all confounded by this mess, and I just kind of wedge the book in there somewhere. It’s close enough that if someone was desperately searching I bet they could find it. I don’t get paid enough to give a shit. When I go over here, I have to look at nasty stains on the carpet. They are brown and I’m pretty sure it’s poop (human or animal…your guess is as good as mine). There’s really no way for me to know for sure without risking my health and dignity, so I’m just gonna trust my instincts with this one. Poop.  I get asked weird questions over here, like where the Pagan witchcraft books are.  I also get nervous when I see people looking at/checking out spell books that I secretly look at. It’s also right by the men’s restroom. Enough said.  My least favorite for sure.

·   Juvenile Fiction: Kids are like little tornadoes of destruction.  Books everywhere!!!  I dread the days when I wait too long to venture to this place, for I pay the consequences dearly.

·   Juvenile Nonfiction 800-900: Meh. I’m kind of indifferent. These don’t build up too fast, so I don’t have to do them too often.  Kids don’t like to read poetry, which is the 800s. The 900s only get bad when they have to do a book report (if those still exist) or something and check out like 20 at a time. Then I get fucked over.

Since I am a somewhat nice and generous person, I help others out with their sections when time allows, or when I need a break from mine.  I like the fiction/sci-fi because I can get distracted the easiest, which means I spend more time reading than putting shit up. The large prints are a bitch, and don’t even get me started on the mysteries. 

I really hate doing pickup. People are messy and sometimes my only desire is to punch them in the face, or just stare at them as they are making a mess to make them feel really uncomfortable and guilty. I feel like the second tactic may work better. I've thought about putting signs up that say "I'm watching you. Why don't you just put that back where you got it. Thanks." 
This one guy gets about 10 books off the shelf and uses them to prop his head up for the optimal sleeping position. He has his own cubicle he uses and has some pictures taped up there.  I think it’s sad, but it doesn’t keep me from getting pissed off. He has a pretty awesome fuzzy plaid vest, so I cut him some slack. Plus he’s always nice and he smiles a lot. I’m pretty sure he’s got all his teeth too. Yes, I notice things like that.

Party hard.

On special occasions we have parties. Today was to celebrate my boss and one of my coworker’s birthdays. This is always awesome because it means I get an extra-long lunch break and I stuff my face throughout the day. It helps to pass the time.

This is Wilbur, he's a volunteer. I'll have to tell you more about him later because apparently we are getting married when he gets the $ and going to Hawaii. I'm not sure why he looks so sad. I bet it's because I can't eat with him, or maybe because I made his food wrong.

The delcious cake I made. Funfetti is the shit. We didn't have any candles, so I improvised. 

When it's time to party, we will always party hard.

Best job ever!!

A word of caution: I like to use bad words sometimes. I can't help it.

I have the one of the best jobs in America, maybe even the world.  It is one full of everyday adventures and unpredictability. It is located in a place that not many dare venture to for risk of injury, maybe death.  I see things that you probably wish you could see in your dreams.  Not many people could handle what I do. Does the thought of what it is have you on the edge of your seat, biting your nails, and overwhelmed in intrigue? Well it should.  What is this job? Well…I work at a public library. It’s ok, you can be let down, I would be. I built that up to be pretty good.  This is how it really is:

I have one of the worst jobs in America, maybe even the world. Fine, that may be an exaggeration, but whatever. It is mundane, boring, and rather monotonous. It really is located in a scary place where many homeless people hang out. The possibility of injury is real, we have security guard escorts to our car at night.  Based on my location, I do see and hear some interesting stuff, so that does help a little bit. I see some things you only want to see in your nightmares. Anybody could pretty much do what I do, as long as you know the alphabetical and dewey decimal system you’re good to go.

 I have been lucky enough to work here for about 1.5 years. During these 1.5 years I have had the following thoughts:

WTF is this place!?

Get me out of here!

What is that smell? Oh it’s just homeless.

Is that a shank?

Some old guy said he would give you $ for a blow job in the bathroom? I wonder if you did it.

Where can I hide all this shit?

Why can’t people put stuff back? Bastards. 

Just lighting one book would be all it would take.

Hey, I wonder how long I can sit here and stare at the wall.

Hey, I just fell asleep.

I wonder what would happen if I punched you in the face?

I lost my mind in the nonfiction section. It’s not worth going over there to look for it.

What is that stain on the carpet!? I think it’s poop.

I think I’m sneaking out the handicap door.

That guy has a Hitler stash, and I’m pretty sure a toupee. Hot.

Um, that was awkward. This is referring to the time I walked in on a boy and girl in the women’s restroom. They both were clothed, but it seemed a little suspicious. While I am talking about awkward, I have gotten used to getting hit on by homeless guys. One guy kept asking me when we were going to watch movies and he gave me a soda and tried to help me pick up stuff. I told him I have a boyfriend, which is a lie and he didn’t seem to care. This was the same guy who told me about the blowjob in the above comment.   Another guy asked me if I was going to have sex later. Then I got a love letter, which is a long story in itself, but at least that guy wasn’t homeless.  I just have to deal with it, but they don’t bother me much anymore.

I wish I had popcorn. This was when I got to see a fight outside.

I'll beat them up next time. This was when the security guard got hit in the head by a homeless lady and got a huge cut. Yeah, that makes me feel pretty protected.

That guy is creepy and makes me feel uncomfortable.  CREEEPERS EVERYWHERE.

Yeah, he's drunk. I wish I was right now.

Holy shit. It’s a pirate!

Fuck…and every other curse word you can probably think of.

How nice of them to put a smoked cigar in the bookdrop.

To challenge myself today I’m putting all this up in reverse order. Wooo.

Oh how cute, 2 grown men climbing trees.

I want to join you. This was when some crazy guy pretended he was boxing and started running around in circles outside when I was going to my car.

I wish I had a flask and/or a cigarette. Preferably both.

 Ok I could go on and on and on with this. Basically I’m bored a lot and have to find entertaiment in the little things. I do like books though, but more reading them than  putting them up. I will say that I often find myself getting distracted. I mean, how am I not going to look at books about magic spells, aliens, and "101 Uses for a Dog?" I think the best part of my job was when I took 3 months off to go study birds. That was badass.  I love animals and biology and finding out new things! I'm sorry I am so bitter, I guess I should just be grateful to be currently employed.

I thought that I might at least make the best of this situation and chronicle what goes on at this place. This is mostly a work of nonfiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this are for the most part real.  Any resemblance to another person’s thoughts and/or work experience would be something that would cause me to take  pity on this person and immediately bond with them through our pathetic lackluster excuse for a fulfilling job.